My mom and dad, while not perfect, largely found the balance of pushing me while also noticing my heart was truly breaking and, on occasion, tore new assholes in the people that caused it.

Ruby saw a passion and enforced it, or rather, fostered it.

Sharon started to help me realize that exuberance, while powerful, can hurt if used thoughtlessly.

Duffy and Devaunt pushed me to take more risk.

Gary unleashed a deeper exploration.

Cary taught me deeper exploration doesn’t exclude the having of a good time.

Richie showed me sometimes even close relationships need to end.

From Bonnie, I learned loyalty and disagreement aren’t mutually exclusive.

From Ryan, I learned closeness requires no words.

With Jana, my wife, there’s an entire book being written with at least four different marriages spanning 27 years, over half our lives, and full of… just full. She’s the only person who takes my ability to write punchy prose away, so I guess I’ll rip off a shitty Parachute song and say, “she is love.”

With Adam, I discovered people exist that pursue as hard, if not harder, than I do.

Roland reminded me passion could be shown publicly.

Bill was the first person to introduce the idea that truth matters little if I can’t answer two basic questions—so what, and what difference does this make?

Kevin, Tom, Ed, Michelle, Debbie, Kevin, Greg, Rachel, Ben, Brandy, Michelle, and Phil taught me sometimes friendships, even great ones, are episodic, and that’s okay.

My kids remind me there are still more gears I didn’t know were available.

Noelle guided me in the value of academic rigor.

Daisy taught me making repair matters more than making mistakes.

Justin affirmed that friendships can be forged even when the differences are significant

And Tom B., my bro date buddy, taught me that deep relationship can still happen later in life.

Finally, my patients remind me almost everyday that change is possible, even when it’s hard.

These are just a few of the people that come to mind when I think of lessons learned. The list grows longer when I consider who matters today and in episodes past. This isn’t, in the immediate, a gratitude list. It’s a brief record of those who’ve helped me adapt and survive, even though some parts of me didn’t, even though some of those relationships didn’t. But whether they continued, drifted, or passed they left something behind. I don’t have to hold onto it. I don’t have to throw it away. It just is.

Survival isn’t about keeping everything or cutting it all loose. It’s about knowing what to carry, what to leave, and what to nod at on the way out. And maybe relationships aren’t just proof that we don’t get here alone—they’re reminders that, for better or worse, we’ve never been unchanged.

Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash